Tony's Goin' Back to Massachusetts
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Return to a former glory


"Bada-boom, baby!" said Tony as he expertly crafted his amazing glove. It felt good to be both a genius and a badboy.

Tony's good boy Peter came by on his Razor Scooter and examined his father's handiwork. "Steezy glove, Pops!" said the young arachnid kid.

"Bruh," said Rhodey as he strutted in with a giant fish, tuna to be exact.

"Rhodey, why have you an ichthyotic specimen?" asked Tony with his hottest eyebrow ever.

Rhodey motioned to his abs. "See, Tony, this is why we need world peace."

"Aye, you are totes correctomundo, my happenin' dude," said Tony. He used cool CGI effects to transform the glove into a full-on suit. He was now a man made of iron.

"Wow, Dad, you remind me of my idol Jumex," said Peter, clapping his hands together and hopping up and down like a little rascal.

Tony smirked at his boyo's compliment, but did not know who this _Jumex_ was. He fired up his rear rockets and took to the skies.

"Attention, citizens of earth!" Tony called down via his built-in loudspeaker. "Ya'll gotta see Rhodey's abs. They are totes gnarly to the max, bro!"

The evil bad guy stepped out from the shadows. It was Thanos. "Sorry, Bubba McBlubba," said the mad Titan. "Earth is closed today." He instantly shoved a hand in his homemade porridge. He lathered the birch trees next to his house in Thailand.

Tony gasped. Thailand had so many porridged trees now. He landed in Laos and wept as his iron booty shined in the sun like diamonds.

"Diamonds are unbreakable," said Steve Rogers, approaching his metal comrade with a glass full of chicken noodle soup. Steve sipped and thought about Peggy, love, and turtleneck sweaters.

"Pulchritudinous," said Tony as he examined the Captain's studly jawline. He reached out a hand and clenched the glass of soup. "I love soup!"

"More than our friendship, Tony?" asked Steve with those eyes.

Tony made a grumpy Tony face and relinquished the soup. He kicked Steve in the face with his hand and ran away. Steve got mad and brought the soup into two separate pieces. He shoved one in his pocket and the other in a tree stump for smart storage options.

"This is a stupid planet," said Thanos. He wielded a banana. He fed it to his pet monkey: Bruce Banner.

"Ook, I have become a chimp!" cried Bruce. He then went green and was not Monkey Hulk. Monkey Hulk thrashed through the downtown area of Cambodia and arrived in Delaware. He knocked on Peter Quill's front door.

"Hey," said Peter as he thought about how he was not of the Parker variety.

Monkey Hulk winked at Peter and a shockwave shot forth from his optical orifice. Death cascaded the establishment and some guy named George died!

Loki noticed this chaos in his crystal ball. He teleported to Quill's abode and shot an angry glare at the green gorilla man. "Yo, homie. I'mma sue ya!" said the mischievous duderino.

"You can't do that!" said Peter as he wiggled his ears and flew away into the sunset.

"Why is he up there?" asked Monkey Hulk.

"He's going home to where he belongs," said Rocket with a tear in his eye. "Heaven…"

"I am totes Groot," said Groot.

Loki did that hot smirk and then teleported back to his Fortress of Solid 'Tude. He plopped down in front of the tube and binge watched all of the Ren and Stimpy episodes. He liked how colourful the show was and wrote a book report.

"I don't like this," said Loki's third-grade teacher. "Loki, you get a 0 on your report."

Loki was in tears. "But why, Ms. Provolone?" asked the handsome devil. "I poured my heart into that paper. I even kissed it!" Loki pointed to the lipstick mark on page 13.

The teacher was not happy. She called Loki's parents and they had to pick him up for detention practice. Odin took out a pancake and slapped Loki in the face with it. "You have been naughty!" roared the cycloptic ruler of powerful things.

"I'm sorry!" cried Loki. Thor grabbed the popcorn and enjoyed watching his brother's punishment. He video recorded it on his CELLULAR DEVICE.

Peter Parker saw the whole event unfold on his teen social media accounts. He called up Ned and explained the situation.

But Ned was dead…

OH WELL THEN! HOLY COW!

Peter dashed to the supermarket for 1-Up Mushrooms. He bought twelve and shoved them down his dead amigo's gullet. Ned was no longer a dead.

"I am no longer a dead!" said Ned. He handshook Peter and then flew off to Mark's house.

"Hi, Ned," said Mark.

"Who are you?" asked Ned.

"I'm Mark," said Mark. "I have a funky bunch."

"Far out," said Ned. He then set up a math equation and studied. He got to go to Eton and he won eleven awards for being such a Ned.

Peter and all his friends went to the graduation of Ned's Nedding. They clapped like this:

CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP!

Tony heard everything on the phone and then turned to Steve and Steve's best-looking behind ever. "Hey, Steve, Ned just Nedded to the maximum degree!"

Steve thought about this and then turned to his pet dog Kevin. "Hey, do you think I would a good Ned someday, Tony?"

Tony held his nose and plummeted into the ocean. He swam all the way back to Massachusetts.

"Hey, Tony," said Barry Gibb, opening the door to Massachusetts for his homie Tony Stark.

Tony examined how the lights all went out in Massachusetts.

"You see this butt?" asked Tony to his broseph.

Barry examined the iron rumpage. "Ayeeeeeeeyyiiiiiiii!" he sang with grand love for cheeks with attitude.

Tony saluted and flew back to Laos. "See, Steve? This is the truth about how cool all the hotness is in my world!"

Steve eyed Tony's charisma and then set a glass of pineapple pizza upon it. He summoned Slifer the Sky Dragon and then sat down in his rocking chair. "Tony… we are so handsome…"

Tony smirked and then took of the pizza and wrapped it up for his good son Petey to consume for dinner. He set a caring hand on Steve's shoulder. "You are so right, my excellent guy!"

"Thanks, Tony," said Steve. "You aren't half-bad yourself…"

**THE END**


End file.
